The Toughest Two Days....And Infinite Love Before, During, and After

My dogs are no longer here by my side...

We said goodbye to Daisy on March 6. She passed at home, in her bed, with the assistance of an in-home hospice vet with her family by her side. As the process began, she sat up, licked Claymore’s eyes (which she had done a million times before) as he began to lie down. She put her head on Claymore and he stayed with her until after she was gone. She had taken care of him since he joined our family—it was comforting to see him take care of her as she left this world.

Claymore was here with us almost exactly 48 more hours. He passed Monday with the assistance of the veterinarian who had cared for him (he had many health problems before cancer) for years. Though we were not at home, it was the first spring-like day here in Virginia and we were able to say goodbye outside in the sun. We used to call him Claymore Seeker of Sunlight.

Our hearts are shattered. I have felt physically sick and every part of my day feels completely wrong. They were the absolute best. I miss them more than words. I am so grateful they spent their lives with me. I am thankful for BARC, the rescue organization who helped them find us. My family needed them—I needed them—they needed each other. I will carry their love and lessons and laughter with me for the rest of my life. Everyone who knows their bond is not surprised that they left this world so close together. And, since they did, we requested a private cremation for them together...and they will be returned to us in a single velvet bag. (We have never had ashes returned to us before, but somehow this felt like the appropriate thing to do.) Our plan is, when we are ready, to take a trip in their honor. They lived all over the country with us. And we would like to return them to some of their favorite places, together, forever. Maybe I will right about that journey...

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I shared the posting below on my Facebook page on March 9. I still want a place to come back to, if I need help remembering (though I can't imagine I would ever forget) or to move forward with processing this overwhelming grief:

No words can even begin to do justice to how lucky I am or how much brighter my life is because Daisy and Claymore shared their lives with me. I want to tell their stories, of their adventures and all of the love. Of how they were the most bonded pair I could imagine AND two unique individuals—a yin and yang that fit perfectly together and completed our family. They loved their human family members as much as they loved each other. And we felt that every single day. And then, I realize, because of the outpouring of support, people DO know quite a bit of this. I find comfort in the fact that they made so many people smile and laugh and feel the love, whether they knew them through Facebook or in person. It is my hope that others will continue to be reminded of them, perhaps when they see pure unconditional love and friendship in any relationship, or any of their other unique characteristics that made them so amazing as individuals. To say one is “a Daisy to another’s Claymore” or “a Claymore to another’s Daisy,” (or a Daisy or a Claymore in their own right) in my opinion, would be the highest compliment among family, friends, or partners (or to an individual).

Saying I miss them so very, very much is an understatement to say the least. I read the quote below in a book recently and it resonates with me... I will take the pain—I only feel it because of the love...so much love. Maybe one day I will find my own words to better honor their lives. But that is beyond my abilities right now and it also seems an impossible task for a human to ever put into words the pure love, life, and joy they embodied. So for now I will thank you all for seeing them and loving them...and for being there for my family during this time. I believe their love was so infinite that the compassion we are being shown right now is my two best buddies still finding ways to spread that love to help me through these tough days.

“Moonlight beams through his eyelids and he can see, as if it’s the lake in front of him, the pain and loss he’s been swimming in for years. In the moonlight, though, the pain is revealed to be love. The emotions are entwined; they are the two sides of the same gleaming coin.”

From Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano

(Picture from February 2018, San Diego)

Pour Your Heart Out: Almost 9 years

I will spare you my "I love my dog" speech.  (Feel free to check out my insane love for all of my dogs as chronicled on this blog.)  I know everyone loves their pets--as they should!  But my love for my dog Sampson goes beyond wagging tails, sloppy kisses, and long walks.  Sampson makes me who I am as a person--I don't care if I sound crazy (since I'm pouring my heart out and all).  And my love for him goes deep...into my bank account.  I cannot even fathom the amount of money we have spent on this dude.  Sometimes, I think of all of the things I could have if he wasn't so expensive.  But then, I realize I don't care.  He is worth every penny--hell, I can't even count pennies with him anymore because that unit of measurement is too small--he's worth ever hundred--every thousand--that has been put into his care.  (My husband may or may not agree with me fully.)  After losing our Angel-girl a few years ago, I KNEW that we would continue to do everything within our means to give Sampson every healthy, happy day he has in him.  The only solace I got from losing Angel was that I knew we went to every length humanly possible to give her the life she deserved to live from the day we brought her home from the boxer rescue.

Today, we went back to Sampson's integrative medicine doctor at UT.... 

Sam the Man riding shotgun to the vet

It was an amazing visit.  I am so scared to even give too many details because I'm a bit superstitious and seriously scared of jinxing things.  Let's just say that both the doctor and I teared up as I left--with happy, proud tears.  Sampson, God-willing, will turn 9 next month.  There was a time I did not believe he would make it this long.  No, I'm not living in a fantasy world that he will live FOREVER and I know (as hard as it is to think about) his natural lifespan is reaching a limit quicker than I would like.  But "9" means so much to me right now.  Along this journey, there were procedures and medicines I almost did not try for him because I worried it was a lost cause.  It wasn't. He's still here. Before his exploratory surgery, I made a deal with him.  If he promised me he would keep on fighting while he could AND if he promised to let me know when he wasn't ready to fight anymore so I would KNOW when he was ready to go, I would do my best to give him all the care he needed and give him a walk most days (even if it's a short one).  So far, he's kept up his end of the bargain--and I have continued his top-notch care and done mostly a good job in the walk department (with LOTS of help from Buzz).  He's amazing. Even his doctor today said he is different from other Boxers in 1. that he is not dumb as a box of rocks and 2. his sensitivity.  He has emotions and feelings--he has empathy, I swear.  He is just the best.

I feel like dogs have the ability to bring out the best in people.  Somehow, at least for me, they have the ability to literally touch my soul.  In the past almost 9 years, Sampson has been by my side for all of the changes, ups and downs, military life-issues (including moves, deployments, various separations), newlywed issues, motherhood issues, graduate school issues.  You name it, he has been there.  He has shown me unconditional love and friendship every step along the way.  He has taught me so many things (including a lot of medical terminology and how to squeeze the most out of a dollar).  He has been the sloppy kiss when I needed it most but least expected it, given me a kidney bean dance when I needed a partner with whom to celebrate, and been a silent shoulder when I needed a friend to listen or just to be there.  He's watched over my daughter when she's been sick or sad.  He's licked away the tears of every one of my family members.  He has truly warmed my heart on so many levels.  I can't find the words to adequately pour my heart out beyond these words written by Richard Biby:

From time to time people tell me, "Lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "That's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and, in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me, and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog," just smile....because they "just don't understand."


I used to care when people thought I was crazy for going what they considered to be "overboard" for my dogs.  But the past nearly nine years have thickened my skin to others' words on the topic.  Now, I just don't care.  These almost 9 years have taught me so much about myself and the world around me--not only through Sampson, but just in the path which my journey has taken me.  Having him by my side has certainly made it all better.  Cheers to my 8 and11/12 year old Sampson, who is SO much more than "just a dog."

To My Daisy Duke

Dear Daisy,

As my youngest "child," I cannot believe that you are turning 3 this week.  In honor of your birthday, I would like to write you a note expressing my true feelings for you.  I know that it often seems that I can't stand you--and I know most of the other humans in our life accuse me of not loving you at all, or at least not loving you as much as Sampson.  Well, Daisy, my apologies.  I DO love you...a lot.  But maybe those perceptions come from some of our more crazy adventures together.  Like when you provoked one of the most humiliating days of my life by eating the bathroom trash.  You had done this many times before, but you never took out an entire trash can in one sitting.  So, I had to take you to the vet to induce vomiting of some very personal products.  And then, after getting myself back together from that embarrassing trip, you ate Daddy's decongestant nose spray which required another vet trip less than a month later--thankfully when you ingested cough drops and my thyroid meds, you did not require medical attention.  But I forgive you.  I have just accepted that I am the laughing stock of our vet's office.  It's fine.  And I've forgiven you for digging, chewing up non-toy items, scratching our front door, scratching our family and friends in your excitement, busting humans' noses and lips from jumping in your excitement, nearly pulling my arm out of socket on multiple walks when you see an animal, excessive crotch-sniffing, barking at everything that moves within a 100 yard radius of our house, and for having to rush home from school after you killed one baby bunny and injured this one...(in your defense, those rabbits really should know by now to take their families elsewhere).

I've also come to accept that in order to play with Sampson or give him any amount of rubbing, I must lock you outside.  Sampson seems to have forgiven you for never letting him have a toy of his own.  I now accept that I cannot do sit-ups or push ups without the extra weight of your head or paw on my body.  I am glad that we have finally found the right dose of calm down pill for our many trips so you no longer vomit in the car over, and over, and over again.  I no longer mind that your hair fills up vacuum cleaners and weaves itself into my clothes...and food.  Speaking of vacuums, I have come to the realization that you may never stop attacking them when I am trying to clean--and that you may always attack toys that move. 

And, despite all of these issues, I am so glad you are part of our family.  I know your entrance into this world was rough--with a sick mommy who literally lived to nurse you and your siblings before crossing the rainbow bridge herself.  I'm not sure how you grew so big--we were expecting you to be so much smaller...but that's just more of you to love, right?  However, you are not lap-dog size...but thankfully our friends are dog people, too, and accept your massiveness lovingly.

I want you to know that I appreciate the love that you show us all, no matter how socially awkward and strange it may be.  It's nice that you come when called--or even when you hear your name spoken from another room.  It is so amazing that you "crate up" with no hesitation and seem happy to do it.  I appreciate that fact that you are protective of our house, even though your gentle-giant-self would be scared senseless if someone entered the house--particularly if it was a man since you seem to fear human males.  I am thankful that you allow Sampson to use your butt as a pillow on a regular basis.  I love the way you let K dress you up and never complain. 

I know I can enjoy quiet during your nap times from about 2-4 (which you never gave up when K stopped napping) and every night after you put yourself to bed at 9 pm (even if it is on the furniture or my bed--but I am glad you are polite enough to respect off-limits furniture). 

You are a good dog, Daisy Duke, no matter what I or anyone else says in the heat of irritation or any other time.  You are a unique--one of a kind--furry member of our family.  I'm sorry we can't provide you the hunting life you want so bad--I know you would be good at that, if you had the opportunity other than with the wildlife in our backyard.  Your pointing stance is excellent...even when sitting.

I can't imagine how boring our lives would be without you.  And please know that we wouldn't laugh at you if we didn't love you so much...it's just the way we roll around here.  You know we've bonded over the #1 thing we have in common--our love for Sampson.  :)  He loves you, too...though he doesn't always show it.  Unless hiking his leg to pee on you is a sign of love.  Maybe he's trying to mark you as his territory?  Either way, Daisy, you have brought love, joy, and laughter into our lives.  You are sweet and cute--and if those things are overbearing, well, so bit it.  Happy birthday, my Crazy Daisy!  I DO love you!  ;)



(Baby Daisy-late 2008/early2009ish)





The story of Daisy Duke

Oh, Daisy...where do I start? I love her--I really do, though sometimes people don't believe me. We got Daisy in June 2008 from the rescue organization where we got Angel. After we lost Angel, Sampson was devistated. (I never believed that an animal could get depressed until I saw what happened to him after she left us.) We decided to get another dog, wanted a puppy for our daughter to grow up with, and decided that the best way to honor Angel was to rescue another dog who needed love and a good home. We got our Daisy Duke! Daisy, who just turned 1, still has way more energy than any of us here...even the toddler! She is a beautiful boxer-mix and a wonderful addition to our family. Here is a little bit of her story from older blogs...

Rescuing Another Boxer with a Tail

June 11, 2009

Well, I am trying to turn the page after the loss of our Angel-girl. It is a much tougher road than I had even imagined! We have decided to adopt a puppy from the Boxer Rescue organization in Florida where we got Angel. (I volunteered there and they are working with us even over the miles.) We think the best way to honor her is to do it all over again. This time, we are helping a puppy! She is only half-boxer...but she does have a tail. Angel showed us just what Boxer-tails can do...and we like it. :o) This puppy was born in rescue--she is currently named Target, but we are going to name her Daisy. Her mother has a very sad story and I am thankful for BARC for saving her (as much as they could) and her pups. (Too see a picture of Target/Daisy and read about her mommy, check out http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmJveGVyYXJjLm9yZy9wZW5kaW5nLnBocA== . Her mommy was Miley.)

People still give me grief over my animals, but my skin is getting thicker to it. If you haven't read "Just a Dog" on my page, check it out! I am a better person for my love of animals...and am a stronger person because of my history (and future!) with Boxers. It must be in my blood--I have grandparents and great-grandparents that I have seen and heard stories about who where "those" people who just had a "way" with animals. Supposedly, one of my grandfathers could tame and ride a wild horse. My other grandfather was like Steve Carrell in Evan Almighty with animals--they flocked to him! (Seriously, when I was a little girl , my cat snuck to his house and jumped in his car when he was traveling out-of-town. She was so quiet for the ride, he didn't know until they were there.) But I digress...maybe I don't have that "way" with animals (I can't even tame a Boxer--which, in my defense is quite difficult) but I do have a love for them and they bring so much into my life.

In all of my sadness, there is an overwhelming feeling of happiness about what we did for Angel. So many people (including veterinarians) have been touched in one way or another by her gentle nature, her strength and her courage. Without us, she would not have had those opportunities. How does a dog who LITERALLY came from a crack house do that? Even after she entered rescue, people didn't want her. A family adopted her before we did and gave her back...yes, they gave that sweet dog back. But I am glad they did--she was meant to be OURS. One of Angel's doctors told us that she showed a strength even in the face of horrifying pain that many humans can not claim. One of the vet assistants that took care of her told us that she will never forget her smile. Yes, Angel had a smile. She was a great dog...she was a great being...and we are better people for having been close to her. She was amazing--and her spirit is still amazing.
Some kind words from her doctor, seeing Sampson light up around puppies, and knowing that we saved Angel's life and let her do what she needed to do here on earth are helping me to move on. I still have a long way to go, but I hope that time will help me through. In a couple of weeks, we will have another rescue dog in our midst. I am looking foward to it. She will not replace Angel. But I think rescuing another dog with no home to call her own will help us keep Angel's legacy alive. She taught us the joys and rewards that come from opening our hearts, homes, and minds to something a little different and challenging. She also taught us the joys of the Boxer tail!

Hopefully in the future, my blog (which, yes, is dedicated to our four-legged family members who make our lives whole) will be full of puppy funnies. I can't wait for Sampson to be a big brother--he has never really grown up himself. He has had a tough time without Angel. He lost his best friend, his sister, and his pack leader. But I think he, too, is ready to move on. He is gentle yet full of energy...I think a puppy is just what he needs. And HE is a better dog because of Angel. He used to be very selfish (if dogs can be selfish) but he LOVED to play with other dogs. We got Angel for him. (Little did we know how much she would do for us.) He used to sleep on an old couch in our bedroom. He was pretty territorial over his stuff. So, when we got Angel, we made a bed for her on the floor in our room because we did not want him to feel as if she was taking over his space. (Which she eventually did--and he happily let her do it.) The first night she was with us, he stayed on the couch. The second night, after the lights were out, we heard some noise...we turned the light on to see that he had gotten down on the floor and snuggled up with her. This is the dog who will not even sit on hard floors and taking a nap on the floor is out of the question...but he was going to do it for Angel. When we left them in boarding one week for a cruise, Sampson's face was raw--they said each night, he took the blankets in their kennel and made pillows for both him and Angel. He loved is alpha-dog and treated her like a queen. Though I know he misses her (he has showed his grief), he has a lot of love to give. Daisy is one lucky dog!

BARC out loud!

March 1, 2009

http://www.youtube.com/BARCoutloud

This is the YouTube channel for BARC...the organization where we got Daisy (and Angel, but it was known as something different then). Our little family is in the video "From the 'children' of BARC." :) The video "Boxer Aid and Rescue Coalition" is dedicated to Miley and others who did not make it--Miley was Daisy's mom. But if anyone questions WHY us animal lovers do what we do, it's because of how bad things can be if we don't--and the volunteers for BARC know this as well as anyone else. Bless all of the people who open their hearts and homes to those four-legged babies who need us!

The Toy Nazi, Jr.

April 7, 2009

When Sampson was a puppy, he LOVED his toys. He played with them, slept with them, traveled with them, etc. But when we got Angel, his love affair with toys came to an end not out of his own wishes, but because he had to. Angel was the original Toy Nazi. She was obsessed with toys--anyone who knew Angel knew she had a slight case of OCD. (And anyone who knows me very well knows I have a tendency to relate things in my life to Seinfeld episodes--and anyone who knows much about Seinfeld knows about The Soup Nazi...which is where this title has come from.) Anyway, Sampson had to give up toys pretty much all together because if he so much as looked at a toy, Angel took it from him. He would just sit there with his "duh face" and watch his sister run away with his old (and new) toys. The only time while Angel was in our lives that he got a toy to himself, it was a 99cent green ball from Petsmart that he ended up eating and it cost us about $1000 to have it surgically removed, but I digress.

Daisy is a very different dog than Angel--she has never been abused and she is not scared of storms. Yet, she has some similarities with Angel that are a bit erie. She came from BARC and she LOVES her toys. We didn't think a dog on earth existed that could tear toys apart quicker and more violently than Angel--but then we found Daisy. It only takes her a little bit of time to chew a black (supposedly indestructible) Kong into pieces and a matter of minutes to devour a rope. But most importantly, Sampson can have NO toys...none...period.

I love when Sampson has his good days where he wants to play--LOVE it! It reminds me of my puppy Sam-dog and even my adult Sam the Man without all of his pain and sufferring. This morning was one of those times; he wanted to play with a toy SO bad. He kept trying and trying to sneak one past Daisy and I swear he was trying to get my help. We tried and tried. I attempted to distract her with another toy or give Sampson a toy out of her sight, but Daisy came out ahead every time. I couldn't hold her back and we couldn't sneak anything by her. And in Soup Nazi/Toy Nazi form, I imagine Daisy saying to Sampson "No toys for you!" every time he even tries and no matter how great his efforts. So my old man has given up on trying for a toy for the moment. He's in his chair staring out the window looking depressed. Maybe I will throw Daisy outside for a little bit and play a little fetch with the Sam-Dog...he'll tire out soon, I'm sure, and we can bring Daisy back in before she knows what's going on. Sometimes, I think he likes the interventions so I am not sure if he would even try to play without her presence. So for now, I will sit here and be entertained by my four-legged children. :) Sorry, Sam, NO TOYS FOR YOU! :)

Rescued

January 22, 2009

I found this in something I picked up at the vet's office and wanted to share...

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.

I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn’t be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn’t want her to know that I hadn’t been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy and I didn’t want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn’t feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone’s life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.

I would promise to keep her safe.I would promise to always be by her side.I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.

I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven’t walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

The story of Angel

Angel came to us from a rescue organization in Florida in September 2003. She was the perfect big/little sister for Sampson and a wonderful addition to her family. We had to say our final goodbyes to her in May of 2008. It was a hard day for us all, but we are left with lots of funny and heartwarming stories and wonderful memories. She showed us what it means to survive! Below is her story through an archive of old blog posts...

SERIOUSLY...I did that for my dog (and I am glad!)

January 14, 2008

I have been getting a lot of strange looks, comments, etc. these days. So, I figured I would try this new-age-blogging-thing (ha, ha) to send a message to anyone who's curious.

As most of my friends know, my dogs have health problems--serious health problems. Just the quick run-down--Sampson has had a sensitive stomach since the day I brought him home (yeah, he puked in the car that day). Yes, some of his most expenisve problems were self-inflicted...like when he ate a 99 cent ball from PetSmart and we had to have a specialist do emergency surgery to remove it. His problems have somehow developed into a major problem with his pancreas. He has had pancreatitis 3 times (that we know of) since November. The doctors aren't sure what's wrong, but say as long as he responds to treatment, that's the route to go...so keep your fingers crossed that keeps bringing good results.

Angel, on the other hand, has had some even bigger issues. She, too, has had a sensitive tummy...but that is the least of her problems. We got her from a rescue organization and her "previous life" she was tied up to a tree outside of a crack house, which brought a multitude of problems. But she survived that and some additional health problems that followed. In 2004 she had malignant melanoma removed from her mouth twice--the second time getting clear margins (a good thing because it means they got the whole tumor). I was made painfully aware about the grim statistics for THAT type of cancer in THAT part of the body. They say many dogs don't live more than 6 months and as much as 99% of them are dead within 2 years. Well, you can do the math--she made it past the odds.

On December 20th of last year, we had a biopsy done for a tumor on her neck. The day after Christmas we got the news that Angel had cancer AGAIN. And this time it was a very rare form and the odds were, yet again, stacked against her. To make this long story somewhat shorter, after a lot of phone calls and tears and a trip to Florida, Angel had surgery on January 3rd to remove her right salivary gland. The surgery was successful and, again, the margins were clear. This is very bitter-sweet (to say the least) "good news." Why? Chest x-rays are standard before surgery for a fast-spreading cancer in dogs. When we had those done on January 2nd, the doctor gave us a good report. But the next day, when the radiologist read the results, she saw what she thinks could be early lung cancer--of which dogs rarely survive many more months after diagnosis. We went ahead with the surgery on the chance that it is something benign in her lungs. She has come through the surgery with flying colors--and I mean FLYING. We have not been able to keep her calm. She is back to her old self again. She and Sampson even in the midst of their illnesses are the same "puppies" we know and love.

So, why am I writing this...and why is the subject LIFE instead of PETS???I am learning a lot through this experience. First of all, I am indirectly facing my biggest fear ever (cancer). Also, I am learning a lot about priorities and myself. I am so tired of hearing "it's just a dog." I am also tired of people thinking I am crazy for spending all of this time and money saving a dog that may only have a few more years of "normal" life-span even if nothing was wrong--and possibly only a few months with another illness. I am crazy--but for other reasons. :o) My pets are a part of my life--of my family. Regardless of whether either of my dogs live another day or another decade, they teach me something new just about every day. I see strength in these animals that we could all learn from. Angel has beaten the odds too many times to count. Sampson can find something exciting (or just go to sleep) in just about any situation. They teach Kaitlyn things. Because of these dogs, my daughter loves animals and she does not fear them.

Do these dogs know something we don't? I have long contended that animals are smarter than us. As a sociologist, sometimes I think maybe it is because they are just themselves without the constraints of society. Maybe they don't fight their instincts like humans sometimes do. I have also always agreed with the bumper sticker "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." These dogs are SO MUCH more than "just dogs"...they are my friends. Think I am a crazy old lady if you want. But how many people (other than pet owners) can say that they always have someone to listen, always have someone who loves them unconditionally (even if you get mad at them for something stupid), and who always has someone greet them when they get home like it is the most exciting thing that could ever happen? I venture to say, human nature does not always allow for this type of unconditional love...or forgiveness. Of course, I love my family and friends and would be nowhere without them...but where would I be without those floppy ears in the middle of a rough night without my husband? How could I have made it through morning sickness without the comfort of a four-legged mother? Who would have gotten me through move after move with the consistency of and laughter from kidney bean dancing?

So, I guess I should end this because I could go on forever. I do owe a lot to my dogs--and it is worth every penny and every mile to give them every happy, pain-free day they have in them. To explain my final comment (and the song on my profile--Bad Boys theme song), when we first got her, Angel used to shake her boxer tail and go crazy for that certain theme-song. In closing, I will just say "Angel-girl, this song's for you...shake your tail-feathers, bitches!"

Doggy Heaven is Brighter Today

May 31, 2008

Today was Angel's day to go. She had developed a horrible disease in her spine. We did not think she would make it through last week, but the doctors helped us to give her a few more happy days where she was our Angel-girl. Over the last day she lost all feeling in the lower half of her body. It was time.

I am crushed and I miss her more than words can say. She taught us what it means to truly rescue a dog and she brought us many happy years. Even though I miss her now, I picture her running and jumping again pain-free--wagging her boxer tail. She was so full of life until the end. She brightened so many days for us and others. I feel guilty for every time I got frustrated with her, but I think she forgave me for being human. Even though it has been a long, tough journey, I still cannot believe she is gone. But I am thankful that we found each other and I am grateful for every day she gave us.

Thanks to everyone who reads my crazy animal blogs. Maybe I am already a crazy old lady, but Angel and Sampson are members of our family. Thanks for your love and support. We know we did everything that we could. She knew she was loved. Doggy heaven is a little brighter today.

When it Storms

July 5, 2008

Since September 20, 2003, storms have had a new meaning in our home. That was the day we adopted Angel...and her storm phobia. I had never seen anything like it--and it got worse as she aged. She would get SO nervous and shake; her heart would race and she would breathe so fast and heavy I thought she would pass out. She had "calm down pills" that helped some--especialy earlier on--but barely phased her near the end of her life. Sampson, on the other hand, could sleep through it all. In the early years, he would notice her nervous fits, but as time passed, they became normal to him. But everyone that knew us, knew of Angel's problems. When we lived in the Real Jacksonville where it stormed, oh, about every afternoon in the summer and still occasionally all year long, even our closest friends helped us out. I remember being out during terrible storms and our neighbors/closest friends calling to see if they needed to check on her--they knew us so well.

When Angel was here, I always remember thinking how nice it would be not to have a dog who was so scared. I always felt sorry for her--I am sure her fear came from early on in her life before the boxer rescue found her when she was tied to a tree...even through those terrible Florida storms. So even though I pitied her, I selfishly wished I didn't have to deal with it. Now she is gone, and what I wouldn't give to be popping calm down pills down her throat when I hear thunder and trying (always unsuccessfully) to calm her down.

It is storming now...Sampson is passed out in the living room and Daisy is sleeping in her crate. (Her crate, by the way, is Angel's.) It's quiet and calm but I can't help but take a break to feel sad that Angel is not here. Even though we never calmed her down totally, I think that she knew we would keep her safe. And we did.

I miss her so much, but I am thankful for Sampson and Daisy...and, as always, Angel has taught me a lesson. Sometimes blessings come in strange packages. I hesitate to think I will ever sit through a storm without my mind on Angel--and I will work harder to cherish every situation with those I love (four-legged and two), not knowing what they might teach me or how I might miss what I think are hard times later down the road.

In the meantime, I will get back to my cleaning--even though just about every spot on our floor has already been cleaned in the past week. Daisy is not quite house trained yet. :o) Luckily for me, I have a two-year-old who tattles quickly so I can clean it before it gets out of hand. Oh, and Sampson is a pro at his new big brother role. We always joke that Angel is looking down on us and making fun of our decision to bring a puppy into our home. And I admit, I always feel like I am on some silly reality tv show. I know I look ridiculous most of the time. My house is a total zoo now, but I enjoy it and so does K--and Sampson does, too--most of the time...more funny doggy stories to come....

For now, I will use the sound of thunder as a constant reminder of our four-legged Angel watching over us, probably laughing her boxer tail off. :o)

Adapting and Overcoming From If Dogs Wore Braces...

November 13, 2008

My dogs have been the masters of adapting and overcoming! When Angel had her surgery in January, they were concerned that they would severely damage some facial nerves. It was not nearly as bad as they thought--the surgeon located the "main" one and didn't touch it--but there was some temporary damage. Her face did droop on the right side and she could not control the muscles on that side of her mouth for a while. Within TWO days, she had learned to press the right side of her mouth against the bowl when she drank to be able to keep the water in her mouth and not make a mess. She would get food stuck in her flappy-jaws (as we call them) at first, but within a week, she had learned to chew on the other side of her mouth or something because her face was still droopy, but her flappy jaws stayed clean. Don't ever underestimate the abilities of our canine friends! I mean, seriously...no one ever explained to her how to do that; she just did it on her own.