My Soundtrack (and double link-up): The Better Ones Among Us

I am on my way out-of-town (again) for more dissertation research--which is another post (or 10) for another time.  But, the hotel where we stay has a very slow Internet connection, so I am going to try and get my song for the link up with Goodnight Moon up and running so I just need to link from the hotel.  I'm also linking up for the first time with Things I Can't Say for "Pour Your Heart Out" (which, by the way, I can't wait to do again).  Luckily, this post fits with both link ups this week--so I'm going to double-dip (hope that's okay) since I am so busy with work right now.  So, here it is...



(The video is a must-watch!  Great song with a great video message!)

My husband and I "communicate" through music while he is deployed. He sends me CDs with playlists he's made for me and I send him songs on the computer. He shared this song with me during his first deployment. (I could write a BOOK on the meaning of this song to HIM, but that's not my point here.)

As I continue down this tough, often frustrating journey of PhD school alongside everything else I am attempting do to do "well," I find myself taking on A LOT.  My first and foremost goal in my life is to be a good mom--which also includes being a good wife.  And this crazy decision to go back to school is related to that first goal...My goal with pursuing my chosen career path is twofold.  I LOVE teaching and think that having a job teaching at a higher level will make me happier and, thus a better mom.  But the research aspect is of importance, too.  There is so much sadness and suffering in the world that is really unnecessary.  Through my research, I hope to make a difference.  I know any difference I am lucky enough to make will be a small one.  But changing one life is an important change.  I want to help--I want to help give a voice to those who ordinarily don't have that luxury and I also want to help open opportunities for them.  As I have mentioned before, so much of my work is depressing.  I am working to bring POSITIVE RESULTS to a field where much of what we read and hear about is negative.  It's a tough process.  One of my favorite quotes comes from a sociologist/theorist: 

“…the evident genius of the human spirit lies in the hard fact of life that we, like our dogs…[are] limited in all the important ways… We cannot do all that our powerful minds trick us into thinking we can. In a word, this is the mystery of being human. Our finest nature is not our ability to think and do. It is that we do and think as we do in spite of the obstacles…On average, the better ones among us continue to think and do what they can with no assurance that solutions will be found.” --Charles Lemert


This is my life.  I'm working to be one of "the better ones among us."  I can't be sure (or even confident sometimes) that I am going to be a part of any meaningful solution to bring real change to better even a small portion of the world.  It sucks...sometimes it sucks more than other times.  I'm limited, but I don't think these are valid excuses NOT to keep trying. 

I used to want to change the whole world.  But, as this song recognizes, that's truly more than I can handle.  (And it drives me crazy just to think about it, so trying to work toward an unrealistic goal is a little insane.)  So, I'm attempting to use my skills, strengths, lucky opportunities, and blessed circumstances to reach beyond myself...and try to bring my share.

The view from the other side of the desk

Holy crap--in 9 days I will be a full time student again! I am excited, nervous, anxious, you name it right now. I have no idea how I am going to pull this off, but I hope I can do it! All I can think about right now is what it's going to be like to be on the other side of the desk. When I first started teaching after getting my Master's I remember how insanely strange it was to be on the other side of that big desk/table at the front of the room. In many ways, it was the same feeling that I got when I quit being a teller and had to go into the bank as a customer--I mean, you never get that view! But the difference in the teller and teacher situations is that the view I am speaking of is literal for teller and more figurative for teacher.

For, wow, like 18 years of my life (I was 25 when I finished my master's and I had a couple years away from school after college) I was always the student, sitting in the small seats on the other side of the desk--I was the one taking the notes, doing the reading/homework, writing the papers, and taking advice from those "know-alls" behind that big desk. Then, all of the sudden, I was the one that those students looked to for all the answers--I gave the assignments and the grades. I really surprised myself at how much I had retained through all of those years of school and have been proud of myself so far for how far I have come as an instructor--but now those tables are turning yet again...

I remember the feeling of relief when my master's thesis was approved and I was done--I was a Master of Science in Applied Sociology! Those 2 years seemed like a lot of work--and now I am starting at the beginning of a 4-year (at a minimum) journey. I have been out of the student desk in the classroom for nearly 4 years. I hope I surprise myself with knowledge retention on a much larger scale this time. I am already stressing over comp. exams (the first of which I will take in a little less than a year) and the whole dissertation process. I guess I just need to take it one step at a time. This time, too, I am going to try to remember that I DO know a little something and those "know-alls" on the other side of the desk don't actually know EVERYTHING...and they learn from me, too. (My students have taught me lots--not all positive, but that's another blog for another day...probably when I am banging my head against the wall grading papers and answering emails of why you have to actually do work to get a passing grade.)

Anyway, I hope this journey is as amazing (or even more so) as those I have traveled so far. I hope that this time, thanks to a few more years (decades) of life experience I can also enjoy the journey itself. Of course, I am working toward that "Dr. Beth" goal, but I also have an amazing family, friends, and the pursuit of knowledge itself to enjoy and appreciate along the way. (And for those friends and family--get ready for a few breakdowns and "I don't think I can do it"s along the way.) :) I hope I'm not the oldest in my classes and I hope that I comprehend my professors' lectures...either way, I am not giving up. So I'm dusting off the old backpack (well, actually I had to buy a new one--first since college--since Daisy destroyed my old one) and have completed my back to school shopping (Wal-mart still has 15 cent 1-subject notebooks). I am heading to campus to take a seat in the student chair. PhD school, here I come!